Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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