you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
