He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
