i think i have herpe
just one?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
