we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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