My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
