im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
