everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
