You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
