he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
