I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
