Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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