The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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