He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
