why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
