So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
