Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
smell my finger.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
