Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
