Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
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