Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
