You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I'm jealous of your bromance
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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