You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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