her vagina looked like bernie madoff
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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