Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
do nipples grow back?
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