i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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