everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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