I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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