literally had 100 drinks last night.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
