I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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