I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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