i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
