She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
