im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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