I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
fuck your aforementioned shoe
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
