You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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