I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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