Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
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He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
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We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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