My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I bet he comes in French.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
