We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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