I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
