So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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