After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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