i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
