the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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