Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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