Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
