1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
So drunk its hurt
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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