so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
