who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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