Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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