Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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