No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
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