How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
