There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
