Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
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Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
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How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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