i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
