I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
