i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
