Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
