sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
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Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
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that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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