He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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