i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
