We won't sleep together?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
