maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
