summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
