I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just pynch a tree in the face
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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