my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
are you so shy because you have an std?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
