Kiss
Puke
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
