Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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