The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Randomize
