Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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