One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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