I'm so fucking centered right now
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Randomize
