the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
