I wannas sexs uuuuu
how can u be prego again
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
