I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
