Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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