guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
