Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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