smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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