Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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