we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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