Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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