you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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