remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
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