i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
