If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
